As humans, we have developed incredibly amazing imaginations that we use to tell ourselves how things could have been different in the past, or how they could be different in the future.

If we don’t perform well at a particular task or activity, it’s only natural to think of all the “most wonderful solutions” that could have been offered after the event is over or if we are having financial difficulties, it makes sense to fantasize about the different ways one could earn extra money or if you are like most people, if we cross paths with someone that we really like and would like to have a relationship with, we can imagine what it would be like to go out with them and develop that relationship.  We imagine things that are ‘not reality’ all of the time, the imagination can help us learn from our mistakes, be more creative about solutions to problems, and inspire us to take action.

However, there are a couple of problems that can arise from wanting reality to be different from how it actually is. The most obvious problem is, if there is no possibility of changing things. If someone has passed away, you cannot wish them back to life, if you twist your ankle the day before you are due to run a marathon, you cannot safely run that marathon without the risk of further injury, or when a relationship breaks down, there might be things you could do to overcome the difficulties and re-establish the relationship, however, there is also a real possibility that the relationship is over.

Refusing to accept reality in these situations and furiously imagining how you want things to be different, is a waste of mental and emotional energy on an unsolvable problem.  It is like setting a computer an impossible task and getting it to churn away on the process night and day until it overheats and breaks down.  Resisting reality in these situations only wears down one’s resilience.

The second problem that may occur with wanting reality to be different is that even when there are things that can be done to improve a situation, a person can end up making things a lot harder on themselves by worrying too much about it.  To return to the “task/activity” example, if you don’t do it well the first few times, it’s useful to give some time and thought as to how you could do it better next time, however, if you are continuously beating yourself up for days or even weeks later, getting all tensed up, filled with guilt about it night and day, then you are over straining the mental computer again, and you are likely to make yourself less creative, less optimistic, and less productive than you would otherwise be.

Also, accepting reality doesn’t mean lying down and resigning yourself to anything that happens. Even when trying to cope with one of our many battles in life, if you can accept that some parts of the situation aren’t going to work out as you would like and readapt and change the way you work with the situation, it is still possible to go on to win the battle.  For example: you can accept the present reality of a financial loss and still plan for exactly how you will recover from that loss in the future.                                                                                                                   

Therefore, allow hypnotherapy and counselling to assist you to:

learn to rein in that problem-solving, fantasising part of yourself and bring it under your direction. This fantasising part of the brain can be very useful much of the time, however, it can also be a terrible leader.  As much as it is interesting and sometimes useful to know how reality could be different, things in life are most effective when you are able to calmly accept how reality is right now and then creatively and intelligently make plans for how you want things to go in the future.

For further information contact us on (03) 5223 2370 or via email This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.   


Karen Holt Clinical Hypnotherapy and Counselling
Clinical Hypnotherapist